Monday, April 29, 2013

5 things you do on Facebook (because you're too stupid too know better)

5 things you do on Facebook (because you're too stupid too know better), I remember when people knew that giving out too much information could get you in trouble, maybe even killed. For example, a latch-key kid at home alone would get in trouble if they told a caller or visitor that their parents were gone. The phrase was usually "he/she's in the bathroom" or "he/she's asleep". The idea was to not let people know that they were alone. It was the only time a child was given permission to lie, and it prevented robberies and possible abductions. You see, keeping your information to yourself was a good thing.

Nowadays, as I look through Facebook, I wonder how people are willing give up so much of their personal information. There's so much "tmi" going on, I put together a list of my top five things people should stop sharing on Facebook.

1. Stop complaining about your boss/job/co-workers

If you're lucky enough to be able to get on Facebook at the job, please stop telling us how big of an idiot your boss is. Your boss is a person too, and probably has a Facebook page. And look, we know that your co-worker smells like feet and throw-up. All co-workers smell like feet and throw-up. Finally, don't diss your job's policies. The last thing you want is someone in charge seeing you bash their mission statement online.

2. Stop posting your kids' information

You know, some people you just can't talk to about this. If I had my way, my children wouldn't be on the internet at all. Since that isn't the case, I do have a major caveat for those of you who plaster your babies' faces all over Facebook. Those of you whose young children are old enough to know their name: stop putting their names on Facebook. I know, you gotta have a name to go with the face, but if I were a pedophile, I'd clean up. You not only give me their names, but you tell me what school they go to. Now, all I need to do is go up there armed with a name and a face, and do my thing.

3. Stop checking in everywhere

Really? Do I need to know that you're at T&D beauty supply? You must don't care about people rolling up on you everywhere you go? What if someone on your friend's list hates your guts, and you check into a place that they can get to before you leave? You just might get yourself in some trouble. Oh! and stop checking in at home and calling it "the spot" or "the crib" or something like that. Your home address? Really? Not to mention that pedophile from #2 might be waiting to get that kid whose name and face he already knows.

4. Stop giving home tours

If you're not on MTV doing it, don't do it on Facebook. Yeah, I know it seems cool to show everyone your jewelry and money and televisions and how many rooms you got, but the last thing you want to do is give people a friggin' layout of your home. You might as well invite everybody over to see for themselves.

5. Stop telling everyone the details of your vacation

It doesn't stop there though. Your "I'm going on vacation" is more like this: "okay we're going on vacation everybody! I'm videoing myself walking through my house because I want you to see what I have to go through to get prepared. I'm going to narrate as I walk. After this I have to go to *enter child's name and school* to let them know that *enter child's name* will be gone. I'm not even going to put in for the time at work. I'll just call off Thursday and Friday, use the Saturday and Sunday, and since Monday isn't technically three consecutive days off, I'll be alright. My stupid-ass boss will be none the wiser." Then when you finally hit the road: "ok we're 150 miles from *enter city*. Getting hungry. Gonna stop." Then you check in at *enter restaurant*. Meanwhile everybody knows how far you are from home and destination, everything in your home, oh - and your home address.

Staying clear from these five no-nos could be the difference between safety, danger and your children being stolen from you.

Did I miss anything? Do you know a violator of one of these rules? Are you a violator of one of these rules?

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